A mediator needs a range of skills, including:

• Active listening skills
• Questioning and clarifying skills to grasp both the facts and the areas of controversy
• Emotional intelligence to understand the underlying emotions
• Summarising skills to set out the main points of controversy, and underlying emotions, and also to help the participants to re-frame issues in less emotive language
• Empathy to help each party to stand in each other’s shoes and understand each other’s point of view

Perhaps most importantly, a mediator must not take sides, or be seen to be acting unfairly. You will therefore need to acknowledge points made by both parties, and spend equal time with each person or on their issues. It’s never going to help to point out that someone is being unreasonable, but you can help them take a ‘reality check’ by asking what they would consider a reasonable outcome, and then asking whether they think the other party would agree.

Although a little humility is always a good thing, it is important to remember that mediation might not always work, and that it’s not always the fault of the mediator if it doesn’t.

For example, if participants do not come ready to find a shared solution it is going to be difficult to mediate one. Cross-cultural disputes are always going to be hard to mediate, because what is acceptable behaviour in one culture may be totally unacceptable in another.

A good mediator will always try to be aware of what else is going on, trying to understand any hidden agendas and barriers to effective problem solving. An effective mediator will, at the same time, be able to distance themselves from the problem.

The role of the mediator is to help others resolve their problems in a mutually agreeable way without getting bogged down in the problem themselves.