This is the highest level of listening and few of us can get here without intentional practice. At this level we are not only paying attention to what others are saying, also what they mean. People say things all the time and often fail to convey the underlying feelings or thoughts behind their words.

To give you an example, when you come home from work late and your spouse asks “Will you be at Susie’s music class tomorrow?” you respond “I will try but I have been swamped in the office and traffic is terrible.” your spouse says “This is Susie’s last class before her recital, how can you not make it?” (Things pretty much just continue in a downward spiral from there).

What went wrong? When your spouse asked if you will be at Susie’s music class, they were not asking simply for the sake of the class, they were trying to convey a deeper feeling. In this scenario, they were trying to tell you that they did not feel like you consider them a priority because you often come home late from work and miss important events. The music class was not the issue, it was merely the tipping point. When we pick up on the subtle queues and context of what others say it enables us to get at the main thing.