There are a wide range of useful skills for handling conflict. Possibly the most important is assertiveness.

• You need to be able to express your views clearly and firmly, but without aggression. One model to use is ‘Describe the situation, Express your feelings and Specify what you want done’.
• It is also helpful to think about how you communicate about the situation. When you want to talk about the effect of the conflict or the other person’s behaviour, it is most effective to use ‘I’ statements. In other words, you should explain the effect of behaviours or actions on you. For example:  “When you said x, it made me feel y.”  – this is much easier to hear than “Your behaviour is horrible”, or even “You are a bad person”. It can therefore make it easier to discuss problem areas without creating further conflict.
• You need to practise active listening to ensure that you fully understand the position of those involved in the conflict. This is true whether you are an active participant or a potential mediator.
• It is also helpful to understand and recognise emotion in both yourself and others – emotions are never good or bad, but simply appropriate or inappropriate. A useful skill in managing conflict is to be able to help others recognise when emotions are inappropriate, and when it is likely to be fine to express them.  One particular part of emotional intelligence which is likely to be particularly useful is empathy.  This is the skill of being able to put yourself in other people’s shoes and supporting those involved to do the same.

In handling conflict both as a direct participant and as a potential mediator, it is important to know your limitations.

If you reach a point where you don’t feel confident that your intervention is going to help, then it’s okay to step back and ask for help. Sometimes you might need to involve someone else, such as a trained mediator, and that’s fine. It is much better to ask for help than to step in and make matters worse.