Assertiveness is one of the essential skills in the modern working environment, and for good and harmonious relationships at home. There are many benefits of being assertive such as; better time management, increased self-esteem and the ability to negotiate more effectively. Assertion means standing up for what you want. It means expressing opposition. It means confrontation. It takes courage. Some find it harder than others because of their natural easy-going style and therefore more practice is required. However, the aim should not be just to gain a win. The aim should be to solve the problem and get the best result.

How to Say “NO”

Is it good to please all people all the time?  Is it possible? Can one be happy giving in all the time?  Turning the other cheek? Perhaps not.  It may lead to frustration, giving in to wrong people, developing parasites, and a sense of injustice.  You should know whom to say “No” to and whom not to say – including your dearly loved ones.

When you cannot say NO, you have to face consequences such as:

• You end up doing things that you don’t like to do.
• You lose respect for yourself for doing things that you don’t like.
• Because you waste your time and energy doing things that you don’t like, you do not have time and energy for doing things which you like.
• Others take you for granted.
• Not being able to say NO produces a lack of communication between you and the other person.
• It also spoils interpersonal relationships.

It is okay to hurt others occasionally by saying NO, when you feel you are doing the right thing by saying so.  The other person has the right to ask, and you have the right to refuse.  Don’t hold a grudge just because they asked.  (Such a grudge could be due to jealousy that you cannot make such demands.)

Your NO should be firm, clear, and not accompanied by a long explanation. You should not sound very apologetic while you say it, that is more than the situation warrants. Remember you have the right to say NO.