The second step, the crucial step, in identifying a person’s behavioral style is to observe it in action. Steps One and Three enhance and corroborate Step Two’s observations. In order to observe someone’s behavioral style, you need to be aware of and observe a range of verbal and nonverbal behaviors. This may require you to stimulate more behaviors by asking questions (probing) and by “actively” listening.

We have assembled and classified a range of verbal, visual, and vocal characteristics into a list of observable behaviors. These behaviors refer to actions you can see, not judgments you may be tempted to make about them. For example, if you were to see a person hopping up and down, is he doing so because he: is hop-stomping mad, just stepped on a nail, has a foot that’s asleep, or is extremely happy and excited? You can’t tell by looking. All you can say is he is jumping up and down. Remember – observable behaviors!