What happens to others when you do not practice The Spirit of the Golden Rule—when you do not adjust your behavior to meet the style needs, including the communication needs—of the other person? Two sides of the same story emphasize this very issue.

A salesman I knew complained of the narrow-mindedness and difficulty of a particular prospect he was trying to see. I didn’t tell him I had already heard the prospect’s side, but I could guess the problem.

The salesperson is an Influencing Style, complete with warm, open handshakes, first names and questions about his client’s personal interests. The prospect is clearly a Conscientious Style. I have already observed his quiet, somewhat remote, stone-faced, and fact-oriented behaviors. You can almost imagine the encounter these two had. As the salesman was involved in building a friendly relationship and dealing in general opinions and feelings, the prospect wanted to get down to business and was pressing for details. A communications nightmare!

As a result of the disastrous initial contact, the salesman thought the prospect was picky, aloof and uninterested in him or his product. The prospect thought the salesman was uncertain of his points and intrusive in concerns that had no bearing on the business. The tension between the two was obvious, and both the prospect and the salesman had justifiable reasons for their lack of ease. Note that none of these reasons had anything to do with the product involved. Such an increase in tension generally results in distrust, low credibility and, eventually, an unproductive business or social relationship